"L'idiot se croit sage, mais l'homme sage se sait

textsfromlastnight:

(620): How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

Kara is this you?

(via lolygagging)

I second that!!!

textsfromlastnight:

(360): I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I’m high.

replay of last night: (coke commercial is on) “oh my god I need a coke”

mliaverage:

Today, I called my dog ugly in a cutesy voice to see if she would still wag her tail. She did. Then I felt guilty and explained to her that she is not ugly, but I was just testing her loyalty. MLIA.

captainsunshine:

textsfromlastnight:

(865): I’ve come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.

Uh Adri, is that you?!

I wish! I love that I read this as a Seth Rogen YouTube is loading :]

textsfromlastnight:

(405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

textsfromlastnight:

(440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

stephatron:

textsfromlastnight:

(203): she called me screaming that i shouldn’t ignore her phone calls, because she’s not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
(860): what did you do?
(203): i asked her out. that’s so hot.

hahaha